two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
