i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
