I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
