I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
