i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm always down for nudity.
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