Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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