Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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