I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
