He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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