Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
