What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this will be a night to untag.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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