I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
