You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
