Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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