she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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