Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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