got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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