Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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