i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize