can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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