You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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