i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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