I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
