I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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