I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
