You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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