Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
