Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
