he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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