every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I sprained my soul last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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