HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
