ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize