at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
