singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
