You can't special order awesome
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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