I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize