david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
