im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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