Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
