Your mouth is God's brothel.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
