this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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