I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize