somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
