If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
as a side note pls kill me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
