Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
