just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
