At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
