What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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