It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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