When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize