he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
