Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
