What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
please don't ironically join a cult
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