i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
tell me about the fingering
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