You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
