am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
