Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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