Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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