bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
