what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
