I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
