What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
