Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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