guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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