I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
