I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
