HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
