So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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