WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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