hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
