so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
