Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me they were just razor bumps!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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