have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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