no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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