I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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