You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize