i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
