that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
