where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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