apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
