i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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