yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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