I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
