um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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