upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
