I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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