I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
