We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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