I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
