just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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