I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
