Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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