You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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