Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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