I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
