She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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