then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize