you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize