You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the condom got lost in my hair
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
