Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
