Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
